October 19, 2019

KELETSO’S CORNER

BALANCING A TUMULTUOUS MARRIAGE AND ITS IMPACT ON YOUR KIDS

It is a reality of modern day life that not every marriage lasts forever. The divorce rate is alarming
and consequently bringing massive change to the structure and health of the family especially
when kids are involved. Research continues to reveal risks and effects of divorce on children. Hence
the common question, “should I stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of kids?”

The truth is, a prolonged unhealthy marriage might do greater harm than divorce:

FACT REMAINS; IT’S AN UNHAPPY HOME!
Parents have perhaps the most commanding influence on a child’s life. Naturally, other Microsystems (schools, peers, neighborhood…) in this ecology of influences exist. Sadly when parents are unhappy? The whole house turns somber! An unhappy parent, an unhappy child! The frustrations from the failing marriage will influence certain behaviors and tantrums which might do more harm than good to the children…This could impede their cognitive development and yes destroy them.

FAMILY SPLIT
Well, divorce is not an isolated event; it unfolds over years. The matter only gets more compounded when children are involved. The constant fights and turmoil caused by a fractured marriage can wreak havoc in the lives of the kids …The more the rifts are prolonged and ignored; the bigger the platform created for ‘side choosing”. In short, the family will be split into two camps …Out of judgment, children often crawl towards the warmer parent, the vulnerable parent or whoever they like and sadly resenting the other spouse. This “choosing” adversely creates a combustible air of hating and blaming “the resented parent” forever.

THEY MAY NEVER FORGIVE YOU
Divorce is a painful chapter of life; no one is ever ready for it. It’s important that parents COMMUNICATE OPENLY with their kids during this difficult transition. They may not understand then but someday they will. A united expression of love for the kids in spite of parental differences helps to manage the effects of divorce. Without this, they could judge, make deadly assumptions and may never forgive you.

Unhappy Couple On Bed

CREATES AN ILLUSSION OF A FAMILY
Falling in love is easy, staying in love is another thing altogether. Getting married for love without preconceived expectations will help you weather the marital storms. However, when irreconcilable differences emerge and you choose to stay in the marriage for the kids’ sake…. this could do more harm. The kids should not blind you to the truth, you married for love, for better and for worse. If that does not exist what’s left is only an illusion of a family. Every parent wants to give their children a stable home but sometimes this is not achievable. If you heed the pointers I have highlighted in this article, you will, at the very least raise scared but unbroken adults.

Every parent wants to give their children a stable home but sometimes this is not achievable. If you heed the pointers I have highlighted in this article, you will, at the very least raise scared but unbroken adults.

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